Hi everyone!!
Although he is still half a world away, we would like to introduce our new son, Bao Xi Zu Novotny! Soon to be 'Americanized' to Bao Brian Novotny. Writing this initial introduction is like trying to start a novel because to a lot of you, this will seem as though we simply snapped our fingers and this amazing little boy just materialized...but in reality it has been a crazy, agonizingly long process that we went about all backward! Well, let me clarify 'agonizingly long'~ because in reality it has only been 12 months which I have come to realize from reading multiple articles, blogs, books, etc. is like 2 months in adoption time. Most people are involved in the process for years. But like I said, Andy and I went about this in a different way than most....
As most of you know, our 'homegrown' son (a term I prefer over biological and which I stole from adoption-land) Dezo, who is now 7, was born with a severe heart defect, Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS) and has had 3 open heart surgeries at Boston Children's. Those early years were so emotionally hard that we never even considered having another baby, even though we both wanted more children. By 4 years old, Dezo was begging and pleading for a little brother. After his last surgery at age 3, we were able to 'normalize' our family and finally relax a bit and just truly enjoy watching Dezo grow up without the fear of another surgery looming ahead....By the time we felt we were in a place to grow our family, we realized that there would be a 7 year age gap between Dezo and his brother or- disappointingly for him- his sister. My brother Danny and I were inseparable growing up and I wanted Dezo to have that same relationship with his sibling (I love you Tanya, but maybe if you had let me borrow your red sweater and every other possession you owned you would have gotten some credit here too...:)). I realized that 7 years is a lot in the scheme of childhood. I had always wanted to adopt and got Andy on board too shortly after we started dating. But it was more of a long term goal and nothing that we had serious, sit-down conversations about. One day I was looking on an adoption website and scanning the pictures of adoptable children when I decided to fill in and submit a questionnaire that would allow me to see children fitting my profile...Which I quickly decided was 1. China 2. a boy and 3. between 2 and 3 years old. How does one find a boy in China you might ask? You find a boy that is considered 'special needs'. One of the options was 'congenital heart defects' so I obviously chose that one. Obviously because we are crazy. Ha! I really have to laugh at this one because Andy and I so often worried over having another baby and it too having a heart problem. It was a terrifying, and I mean terrifying possibility. But here I was, clicking away, signing up for exactly that and it just felt so right. It all just made sudden, perfect sense. Not only would Dezo get a brother, he would get a heart buddy. Someone with the same scar, the same pain, the same experiences, the same struggles~ someone who would truly get what it was all about to have a heart defect. We already had some of the best cardiologists, surgeons, anesthesiologists and nurses in the country all lined up...we knew who the best phlebotomist in Boston is (which is a BIG deal people!) ...I could get a hospital room looking like a living room in minutes flat and most importantly, we have a huge amount of support from our family and friends. They're all old pros at this as well. So I submitted my request and on page number 3, I found our son.
The first picture up top is the first picture I ever saw of my son. I immediately and instantly fell madly in love. I had literally seen hundreds of faces but none caught my heart as instantly as Bao's did. He was mine. It was as if I could feel his personality emanating from his picture- he's strong, funny and wise. I just know. So, I inquired about 'Marshall' as he was called and was so disappointed to learn that his file was already being reviewed by another family. The agency sent me another profile of a little boy who also had a heart defect and although he was adorable, he wasn't mine. I let it go. No more looking. About a week later, I got a call from the agency that Marshall's file was available again and was I still interested? That is how we started on our journey to Bao. We had nothing planned, we just jumped in head-first, which I have come to realize, is pretty much how I do anything.
We discovered that our son's name is Bao Xi Zu (pronounced Bow-as in bow wow wow yipppy yo yippy yay- Chee Zoo). He was 2 1/2 at the time and he was in an orphanage in Shenzhen City, China. Being completely ignorant, I assumed that Bao was his first name, so although we threw around some names, Bao stuck. We also decided that he was old enough that we didn't want to change his name to something he wasn't used to. Well imagine my horrified surprise when our adoption counselor told me a couple of months later that Bao was his last name. Craptastic. I didn't know if Xi Zu would fly over here. Can you imagine the mangling of 'Xi'?? Most people wouldn't even have a clue where to begin! So we stuck with Bao. But be prepared people, I could be introducing him as Zu in a couple of months....i'll just have to see how attached he is to that name of his. We are giving him the middle name of Brian after Andy's best friend who passed away due to pancreatic cancer this year. Bao has Transposition of the Great Arteries and PV stenosis and we have had our cardiologists review his file and as of now, the consensus is that he will need another open heart surgery when he gets to the States. He has already had one (which is the second one Dezo had in his stage of 3) which makes my heart ache knowing what he went through without a mama and daddy there to cuddle him. He was given up at the age of 5 months and left feet from a hospital. He was cyanotic, which means his lips were blue and he most likely struggled when he cried...signs for his parents (or parent?) to know that something was definitely wrong. With the one-child policy in China, he would not have been seen as a healthy male to look after his parents in their old age and carry on the family name, but I like to think that his parents didn't have the money for adequate health care and therefore made the unimagineable decision to give him up in order to give him a chance at life. And for that, I will be forever grateful and we will raise Bao to know that his birth parents loved him very, very much. And one day when he is a father, maybe he will understand then how much they selflessly sacrificed to give him life. Sadly, he was abandoned, as almost all orphaned children in China are, so we most likely will never know who his birth parents are....
So that's the lowdown on our Bitty Bao. We have jumped through hoops- some blazing with fire!- to get where we are today. Last Thursday, I got the most wonderful phone call from our agency that our LSC had arrived- our letter seeking confirmation, our letter of acceptance- our letter from China stating that yes, we can indeed come and get this little boy if we check a box saying that we would still like him. Check, check, double check!!!!! Now we are just waiting from approval from USCIS (good old America) that we can in fact bring home our son from China. We expect to get that approval in the next 2-3 weeks and after we send that to our agency in Texas, we can start planning our trip to bring Bao home! We were told to expect to travel within a month so i'm hoping for early October. I will be going to China for 2 weeks and my mom will be coming with me. Now the adventure really begins and I will be posting here on this handy dandy blog for all to see, so in the words of my high school pageant speech.... sit back, relax and enjoy the show!
~T.
